Monday, 29 December 2014

NOT HAVING MUTUAL FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE!

First thing I want to say is that I hope you had a lovely Christmas or if you don't celebrate it then I hope you had a good Thursday! :)

I have something on mind at the moment that I just need to rant about or talk about. If you don't want to read about my rambling on then I will completely understand haha! But I'm hoping someone actually feels the way I do.

Basically, I saw a post on tumblr yesterday saying something like 'I want someone to be obsessed with me'...It was something similar to that anyway. Now my mind over thinks way too much and for some reason, that post annoyed me slightly. It's only great to have someone being 'obsessed' with you if you like that person back. If you don't then it's pretty crap to have someone obsessing over you or not understanding your feelings. 

It's also not great when you see them just as friend and you want them to be your friend. I genuinely think it's such a horrible position to be in. When you literally just see someone as a friend or a close friend and they keep going on at you about how much they like you. Yet you tell them again and again that you just don't feel the same. 

I've been in this position for the past couple of years and it makes me feel crap. Even while writing this, its happening and for me, it can trigger my anxiety really bad. 

Like it's got to the point where the other person would be upset if I got a boyfriend that wasn't him which is completely understandable but it also makes me feel trapped and uncomfortable. Like if I did get a boyfriend that wasn't him then he would be hurt and I'm one of those people that hates hurting people. Even if I can't stand them! 

I shouldn't have to feel like that. No one should have to feel like. No one should have to feel trapped because of stupid little things (Not going to lie, I did think of Amnesia...I'm sorry). 

I don't want to rant on too much as I could type out so much haha :')

But to end this post, all I'm going to say is...Don't ever let a male or a female try and make you feel bad for not having mutual feelings. It's not worth it. 

Also, don't let people try and sweet talk you (especially if you know what they are like and your friends know what they are like).

Anyway, if anyone needs anyone to talk to then I'm always here (don't ever feel alone) :) x


Thursday, 18 December 2014

GOING BACK TO COLLEGE FOR THE NIGHT!

If you've read previous posts of mine, you will know that I did Performing Arts at college for 2 years. Well I managed to go back and watch the Christmas show that the current Performing Arts students put on.

It was so lovely to be able to go back and I was so shocked at the amount of love I got off a lot of people. I had to stop myself from crying haha! It made me realise how much I miss college, the course and the people. I literally felt at home when I went back and it was such a good feeling.

My life at the moment isn't great but going back was so refreshing. At the moment I'm having to deal with a messed up mind and pressure off people when it comes to getting a job and it's starting to really get to me and it's causing me to feel worse than I already do! But to go back to the place that I strangely loved going to and being with people who manage to cheer me up without even having to try was amazing and I actually started to feel like my normal self again.

When I got back home, my mood instantly changed and I was back to feeling not good at all. To try and make myself feel better, I thought about the night and how good it was, how lovely it was to see everyone and how much love they showed the second I walked through that door!

The show was brilliant and I'm so proud of them all!! It was also lovely to meet a a couple of the first years and to see how talented they are. I hope I can go to their next shows!

I know a lot of people may find this post boring but I really wanted to write it (and I can't sleep). I hope there are people who like this post as I love writing about what's happening in my life as it's like writing a journal :') x


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Wednesday, 10 December 2014

NEW JEANS!

It's always exciting when you purchase something new. The other day, I agreed to go to the local retail park with my dad as he needed to some things for a works do. He kindly gave me some money to go and treat myself in New Look while he looked in other shops.

I walked around but nothing was standing out for me. I only really buy clothes if they really stand out for me. I walked over to the jeans section and spotted a pair of ripped black skinny jeans. I've wanted a pair of jeans like this for a while (and not because I'm a 5SOS fan which owning a pair of ripped skinny jeans seems to be a stereotypical thing).

When I checked the price, I was surprised at how cheap they were. I was expecting them to be over £30 but nope, they were £22.99. I usually get my jeans from Topshop which are always nearly £40 so to me, £22.99 for jeans was very cheap and a very good price.

I am in love with these jeans and they fit perfectly. I'm short so obviously the length is a little bit to long but its a bearable length (and I always end up rolling the ends of my jeans up anyway).

:) x



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Thursday, 4 December 2014

WALKS!

I love going on walks and I try to go on them everyday. While I was walking I thought 'Ooh, I could make a post about this' and that's when I decided to take a few pictures which I thought I would share.

For me, walking is a great way to just have some 'me time' and to clear my head for a little bit. Luckily for me, I live near a pond and it's really nice just to take some time out and have a walk around it.

I tend to block out any negative thoughts and listen to the music off my iPod which really helps and makes the walk a little bit more enjoyable. I think it's perfect to go on walks that involve a lot of nature around this time of year. I love looking at all the fallen leaves on the floor and I strangely love the smell of the dampness as it reminds me of when I go on holiday to Cornwall every year.

Going on walks are perfect to help clear your mind and also a great way to have some gentle exercise which is good for the mind.

Does anybody else enjoy going on walks? and what do you enjoy the most about walks? :) x






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